Title was “baby, please don’t go” because Alyssa and I were singing during ICT class. “baby, please don’t goooo. if i wake up tomorrow will you still be here?”. I didn’t actually know Shaun’s name was Sean not Shaun but Sean and how you say it is still Shaun but spelling is Sean. Sean is sick. Jiayee & Alyssa wasn’t talking to me cause I was given time to chill and I am so unlucky after Chinese New Year or I mean, holidays ended. Nothing to talk much about friends today. Bad day for me. My place was taken by someone else and I have to shift place for a couple of times or more and tomorrow another new place. Unlucky isn’t it? Ah yes, someone swore that I will NEVER get A’s till’ I’m form 5. Isn’t it lame? The swear will never work cause it’s Firdaus. What are you thinking? It’s Firdaus, the lame stupid kid that’s why swears won’t work. Swears never ever in a million years work unless you are a witch. Oh yes, after school was a fun day for me cause Emily is back and all i can say is “WOOOOO-HOOOOOO!” I’m happy to see her back to school. We went to Ikano and Ikea for lunch. “We” being Emily, Loo Yee, Fasz & me. Loo Yee and Fasz are such a sweet couple. Batman and the other one Power Rangers. Aww, I like seeing them together. It’s hard to describe them cause they’re just so sweet. Tomorrow is a new day to enjoy. Can’t wait. Celebrate the second time of Emily’s birthday. Oh yes, today I was crying in class like for the WHOLE period during Kemahiran Hidup. Non-stop crying. This morning I wanted to sit beside my brother because every morning I’ll sit beside him in canteen. He shouted quite loud “F*CK OFF”. Remembering that incident during Kemahiran Hidup made me cry. I wanted to be treated real different because I’m not a toy. I’m not some kind of rubbish that people can pick on me. Treat me good as a toy and throw me away for embarrassing you. You’ll never ever in a million days know how I feel when you treat me as a toy. These makes me think that I am: Stupid. Lifeless. Loser. Asshole. Unwanted. Idiot. Lame. You will never know. I’m not saying this because I want attention , but because I’m sick of how people treat me. I know how “stupid, lifeless, loser, asshole, unwanted, idiot, lame” I am. They say I am heartless, I don’t disagree because I am. If I change, it’s all your fault for changing me. The way you treat me is how I am going to change. I’ll be stubborn because this is what affects me. No big deal. I’ll face tomorrow and face what’s gonna happen tomorrow. In what matter I’ll try to stay calmed and not cry. I want to be strong but it’ll never happen because that’s how I’m treated at home.
P/S: Emily, if you’re reading this. It’s not you. Please don’t get me wrong.
